yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
