There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The beer is more important than you right now.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
