Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
