i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
the day after is always just damage control
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
