I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
