My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
