Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
