yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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