Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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