I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
