so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I supernannyed him into submission
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
