I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Welp...herpes.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We left the knife in your bed.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
