I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
