All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
