drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
