I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
