I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
