I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
