Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
