I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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