I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
