I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
