Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
