so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Ketchup is God's man juice
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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