we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
