I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
where are my eyebrows?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
