I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
