First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
