I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
