What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
