I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
