Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
