i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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