how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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