her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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