I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
