Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
