piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
