I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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