24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
