Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
