My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
