Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
