and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
