Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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