i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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