cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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