Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
