Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
