She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
