tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
