it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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