my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
