i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
