If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
