ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
