Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
