Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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